From the album Love and Let Go
This song is based on the period of my grief where some considerable time had passed since losing my son. It acknowledges the fact that whilst time helps to heal the pain, you never forget!
The human mind can feel like it needs to have “moved on by now”, yet as far as I have learnt, there is not a day goes by where I don’t still think about Jamie. I have come to learn that this is completely normal, and that whilst I don’t now experience the extreme suffering of when it all first happened, it is important and healthy to still remember and miss your precious loved ones.
There is a strong emphasis on the idea of ‘not letting go’ in this song, which seems to contradict the title of the whole album. On the contrary; this is my message that I will never let go of the memory, the love and the importance of my son’s life. I cannot and will not ever let go of that. I have just learnt to let go of the suffering and pain. I learnt to let go of the fact that I would never again get to see him again in this physical lifetime.
In a sense, I learnt to let go of my control over the whole situation… a freeing realisation!
Is it alright if I still miss you? Is it alright if I still want to,
watch you grow, watch you learn, watch you, make the same mistakes we all do.
Is it alright if I still love you, maybe even more than I used to?
Is it alright if I still call your name?
Cause I don’t, want to, let go yet, not ready to forget, what you mean to me.
And I don’t want to remember the bad times, want to forget, don’t wanna see.
Feels like a dream some days, how do I know what’s real?
But you affected me, and I know what I feel.
You grabbed a hold of my heart, held on tight and never let go.
Well I’m holding on too and I want you to know, I won’t let go, no I won’t let go.
I won’t go, no, no, no.
Is it alright if I pick and I choose, what I decide to remember about you?
Cause some days it feels like I’m lying to myself, but then it’s for me and for nobody else.
Is it alright if I still talk to you, talk to you the way I used to do?
Is it alright if I still sing that song sometimes?
Cause there’s a part of me that’s hanging on, because I do not see what’s wrong,
that I don’t ever really think I will let go of you, cause I don’t want to.
I don’t want to let go yet, not ready to forget, what you mean to me…..
I won’t let go no I won’t let go, no I won’t let go
I won’t let go no, no, no, ooooh
Oooooooh, ooooooh, ooooooooooh,
Is it alright if I still miss you?