Jen cd 1
Jen cd 1
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  1. Emptiness

From the album Love and Let Go

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This song seemed like the perfect place to start the whole album, and journey. It takes the listener back to the moments right after losing Jamie, where I felt raw and completely empty.

It was at a time where I felt I had lost everything- even the chance to argue the fact that I could lose my son… because it was already done. Death is so final, which is what makes it so shocking when you experience it.

I plainly state that “I lost my child;” to emphasis the raw state I was in and the shocking nature of it all. I remember having to utter those words for the first time, it was unbelievable.

The idea of Emptiness, came to me for many reasons. The first time I visited Jamie at the Morgue was all so surreal and shocking; I had never seen a dead body before. I remember looking at him, and just seeing an empty vessel… it was no longer him anymore. I saw for the first time that the body doesn’t make a person… I tried to grasp what it is that gives life to the body?

I felt empty inside- like there was nothing left and like my cup could never again be filled.

Returning to our family home for the first time was an experience I will never forget. I walked in and could still smell Jamie. Everything was as we left it; the last clothes he ever wore were in the dirty clothes bin, his cot sheets spread, baby bowl and spoon in the sink, toys and books spread out on the carpet. It was gut-wrenching- and never before have I ever felt such emptiness in my heart and soul.

Lyrics

Verse:
I lost my heart I lost my soul, I lost my mind I lost control,
I lost the chance to watch you grow old.
I lost the time to put up a fight, I lost the will to survive,
I lost my child.

Chorus:
And now emptiness is what’s left, only emptiness is what’s left.
In my heart in my soul, in your lifeless eyes and in my home.
It’s only emptiness that’s left.

Verse:
I look to the sky asking why, teeth are clenched my mouth is dry.
Why, oh why, was I left behind?
Cause my heart was full of love for you, my eyes full of joy and gratitude,
So why, did I have to lose you?

Chorus:

Bridge:
And I would walk a thousand miles, just to see your smile one last time,
just to see the life in your eyes, reflect in mine.
And I would fight the desert storm, just to hold you tight and feel your warmth,
just to wake up and see you in the morning, one last time,
because you filled my life, will you fill my life again!

Chorus:
Because emptiness is what’s left, so much emptiness is what’s left.
In my heart in my soul, in your lifeless eyes and in my home.
It’s only emptiness that’s left.

Emptiness is what’s left, only emptiness is what’s left.
In my heart in my soul, in your lifeless eyes, and in my home.
Only emptiness.